Relationships Are Complex and Beautiful
Reflections from a devotional I wrote 13 years ago
A Time Capsule from a Different Season
Thirteen years ago, I wrote a short devotional about marriage while I was pursuing my Master’s degree and staying home with our two boys.
Life in that season was loud, busy, and often exhausting.
Jason was the sole provider for our family, and our days were filled with the beautiful chaos of raising two small children—one with complex medical needs and the other an energetic, baseball-loving boy who seemed to run everywhere he went.
Like many young families, we were simply trying to keep everything moving.
Appointments.
School schedules.
Therapies.
Practices.
Work.
Home responsibilities.
Our focus during those years naturally centered around our children and the daily needs of our home. Marriage was still there, of course, but like many couples in that season, it sometimes lived quietly in the background while we navigated the demands of parenting.
Recently I came across a devotional I wrote during that time.
Reading it now—as the mom of a 21-year-old and an almost 18-year-old—felt a little like opening a time capsule.
Life looks very different in this season.
Over the past two years, Jason and I have intentionally shifted our focus back toward each other. As our boys have grown and our responsibilities have changed, we realized something important:
Marriage cannot live on autopilot forever.
It requires intentional time.
Meaningful conversation.
Grace.
Forgiveness.
As we approach 20 years of marriage this November, I am still in awe of how God has moved within our relationship. When we stop and actually put biblical wisdom into practice—when we choose connection over distraction and conversation over busyness—God truly moves mountains in a marriage.
Interestingly enough, when I reread the devotional I wrote all those years ago, I realized something.
The simple truths I wrote then still matter today.
A Reflection on Marriage
If you are married, think back for a moment. What first drew you to your spouse?
Maybe it was his confidence or her kindness.
Maybe it was the way he made you laugh or how easily she could turn an ordinary moment into something fun.
Out of all the people in the world, this one person captured your attention. Something about them made you believe this was the person you wanted to build a life with—to walk beside through all the seasons that life would bring.
In the early days of a relationship, conversation comes easily. You want to know everything about each other. You look forward to the next phone call, the next date, the next moment together.
But over time, life fills in around that relationship.
Work responsibilities grow.
Children arrive.
Schedules multiply.
Phones and distractions creep in.
Before long, the very person who once knew every detail of your day can slowly become the person who hears the least about it.
One piece of wisdom I have heard over the years has always stuck with me:
“Go to the throne before the phone.”
In other words, take things to God before you take them to everyone else.
But I’ve also learned that there is wisdom in another version of that idea within marriage:
Go to your spouse before your pals.
For Jason and me, this has been especially true. When I share every detail of my day with friends first, by the time I talk with him there isn’t much left to say. But when I intentionally hold onto those small moments—the funny story, the frustrating moment, the thing that made me think—it creates space for meaningful conversation between us.
Those little conversations matter more than we realize.
They quiet the noise of the television, the endless pull of our phones, and the busyness of life. They remind us that the person sitting across from us is not just our spouse, but our partner, our confidant, and our closest earthly companion.
The truth is simple, but easy to forget:
We cannot truly know someone if we do not spend time getting to know them.
Marriage does not mark the end of discovery—it is the beginning of a lifelong process of learning, understanding, and growing together.
Which means the most meaningful thing we can sometimes do is also the simplest:
Slow down long enough to talk.
To listen.
To share the small things that make up the story of our days.
Because often it is in those ordinary conversations that connection is strengthened and love continues to grow.
What the Research Says
At the time I wrote this devotional, I was studying psychology and came across some interesting statistics.
Studies often showed that when asked about happiness in marriage, men reported being happy more frequently than women. Researchers also noted increased divorce rates around the 5th and 10th years of marriage.
Those numbers stuck with me.
Not because they predict failure—but because they highlight something important:
Relationships require attention.
They cannot run on autopilot.
Did you know there are over 500 verses about marriage in the Bible?
That is a lot of wisdom available to couples who are willing to seek it.
Proverbs 18:22 (ESV)
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Psalm 85:10 (ESV)
“Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.”
Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Examining the Word Daily
As I reflect on this devotional today, one verse continues to stand out to me.
In Acts 17:11, Luke describes the believers in Berea:
“They received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.”
The Bereans didn’t simply hear the Word once and move on.
They examined it daily.
They returned to it.
They studied it.
They applied it.
And that same principle can shape our relationships.
Healthy marriages are rarely built in dramatic moments.
They are built through daily attention, daily grace, and daily pursuit.
When we regularly return to God’s Word and allow His wisdom to guide our hearts, it begins to shape the way we love, forgive, communicate, and serve one another.
God’s truth doesn’t just strengthen our faith—it strengthens our homes.
What Twenty Years of Marriage Has Taught Me
Looking back now across two decades of marriage, I see something clearly.
The things that strengthen a marriage are rarely dramatic.
They are small and consistent.
Daily connection.
Choosing forgiveness.
Sharing the little details of your day.
Making time even when life feels busy.
Over the past couple of years, Jason and I have intentionally returned to these simple practices—choosing to focus on our relationship again after many years of raising busy kids.
And when we actually practice these things, God moves in ways we never expected.
I am still incredibly grateful for the man God placed beside me.
Our relationship has grown, stretched, and matured through every season we have walked together.
And as we approach twenty years of marriage this fall, I am reminded again that relationships are both complex and beautiful.
They stretch us.
They refine us.
They grow us.
But when we pursue God’s wisdom—examining His Word daily and applying it to our lives—we begin to see how His truth strengthens not only our faith, but the relationships He has entrusted to us.
A Simple Challenge
Today, take a moment to invest in your marriage.
Call your spouse just to say hi.
Send a text and share something you love about them.
Ask a thoughtful question.
Or carve out time for a real conversation.
You might be surprised where it still leads.
